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TITLE: Amberwood
WRITER(S): Mike Reagan and Bruce Kitchen
DATE: 1/5/2005
FORM / PAGES: Screenplay / 102
GENRE: Super Natural Thriller / Horror
READER: Xandy Sussan

PREMISE: A team of parapsychologists travel to a purportedly haunted house to test a new computer program.

EVALUATION:

PREMISE: GOOD
PLOT / STORYLINE: EXCELLENT
STRUCTURE: EXCELLENT
DIALOGUE: GOOD – EXCELLENT
COMMERCIALITY: GOOD – EXCELLENT
PROJECT RECOMMENDATION: RECOMMEND
WRITER (S) RECOMMENDATION: RECOMMEND

SYNOPSIS:

We open at a little girl’s funeral as we see her parents, JAMES and LINDA ABERNATHY, grieving for her. As James and Linda drive home their grief is palpable. When they pull into their driveway, they discover their dog is loose in the yard. Linda goes into the house to try and recover while James tends to the dog. James goes into the house to try and help his wife cope, but the dog gets loose again and starts barking at an unseen force. James goes back out side to deal with the dog. We stay with Linda as she watches James and the dog get swallowed up by an apparition. Linda screams in horror.

We cut to several months later to a parking lot as we meet GORDON, the 50’s parapsychologist who is putting the expedition together. We meet YVETTE, his 20’s research assistant, MAGGIE, 30’s, Gordon’s ex-assistant and ex-girlfriend who is there to test out her new computer program PRIS and finally, DANIEL, a 30’s psychic. Maggie and Daniel have an immediate connection, much to Gordon’s dismay. It’s clear that Daniel is a threat to Gordon who is hoping that he and Maggie might reconcile. They all hop into the van and head off to Amberwood.

While in the van we get to know each of the people and their part in this experiment. As they arrive at Amberwood, the house is immediately another character. Never seen in its entirety, it’s clear the house frightens the owner, BILL ABERNATHY, James’ surviving brother. As Bill takes the team on a tour he explains how the little girl died and her parents’ disappearance, the evidence of ghosts. The team is skeptical at first, but decides to dig in and see what’s going on. Bill takes off in a hurry, not wanting to spend another minute in the house.

Maggie starts to set up PRIS, but while she’s doing it they get their first glimpse of the apparition. Since Maggie wasn’t ready, she missed getting the data they need. Gordon gets on her case, but Maggie tries to blow it off. As the night progresses, it’s clear the pull between Maggie and Daniel is strong and that there’s something romantic brewing. Daniel and Maggie step outside while Gordon and Yvette sleep to talk, but Gordon interrupts. It’s clear that he doesn’t want Daniel on his turf. Maggie, who has no interest in Gordon romantic or otherwise, lets him have it. She explains that she’s her own woman and will not be dictated to.

Just then, the apparition appears and starts making a racket. The team races to capture the data and document the findings. Maggie, using PRIS, is able to identify the apparition as an elemental spirit. With this information, Daniel continues to try and figure out what he’s sensing, but mostly what he’s getting from the house is dread. He feels like they should all leave because nothing good comes from this house. Gordon refuses to leave and thinks that Daniel is acting like a sissy. When the elemental spirit comes back to create more chaos the team is ready.

They race upstairs to one of the bedrooms and discover that not only is it freezing but that the room has been destroyed. The elemental attacks Yvette, hurting her gravely. Once the elemental has disappeared, Maggie and Daniel convince Gordon to take Yvette to a hospital. Gordon packs Yvette into the van and drives off. Maggie and Daniel return to the house to start packing up.

While Gordon drives down the long driveway, the elemental appears again and forces Gordon off the road. Gordon crashes the car into a ditch. The elemental swallows Yvette and then disappears. Gordon, horrified races back to the house.

Maggie and Daniel are getting ready to leave when Gordon comes back in. He tells them about Yvette. They immediately want to contact the police, but Gordon doesn’t want to. He wants to make sure that he gets the proof he needs or else Yvette’s death will be hard to explain to the authorities. Also, this is his retirement expedition and he’s not going to leave the house without some sort of concrete proof.

Maggie and Daniel aren’t sold, but eventually Gordon convinces them to stay. Gordon comes up with a plan to use Daniel’s psychic ability to attract the elemental and then to use PRIS to open an energy field which will suck the elemental back into the ether. It seems like a solid plan that will work and they’re all on board.

Gordon and Daniel go into the basement and start setting up while Maggie works with PRIS upstairs. Soon enough it becomes clear that Gordon plans to serve up Daniel to the elemental in order to get his proof as well as interrupt the budding romance. It seems that he will not tolerate Daniel leaving with the girl.

The elemental then shows up and is attracted to Daniel’s psychic ability as per the plan. Gordon messes with the equipment so Maggie can’t see what’s happening. When it appears that Daniel has been killed by the elemental, Gordon races upstairs to break the news to Maggie who is distraught over Daniel’s death.

Maggie starts accusing Gordon of being a murdering opportunist and they start to fight. Gordon at first wants her to share in his glory, showing the world, side by side, the definitive proof that ghosts and spirits do exists, but the more Maggie resists him and resents his actions the less he is interested in her. He decides that if Maggie is going to have this attitude then she cannot leave the house either. Gordon goes after Maggie with murderous intentions. Maggie struggles for her life, raging against Gordon. Suddenly, Gordon is knocked out and falls to the ground. Maggie is stunned when she sees Daniel standing behind him. She runs to him, thrilled to discover that he’s still alive.

Maggie then sets a trap for Gordon using his anger to attract the elemental. When Gordon wakes and goes back after Maggie, trying to recover the only proof that exists, Maggie engages PRIS drawing the elemental towards them. The elemental swallows Gordon and then is sucked into the ether. Maggie grabs the proof, her computer and PRIS and then leaves with Daniel. It’s clear that now that the elemental is gone that they’re going to have a happy ending.

COMMENTS:

Amberwood is extremely well written and is filled with edge-of-your seat, thrilling action. The characters are thoughtfully developed and have deep emotional pathos. It is this human interplay, which is masterfully coupled with dramatic and exciting action that propels this story forward making this not only, an exhilarating horror film but one with true character resonance as well. Amberwood has the perfect blend of character and plot driven story that leaves the audience feeling like they’ve enjoyed not simply a delicious but a satisfying meal. This script is a solid recommend.

TITLE: Punjae
WRITER: Mark Bedard
DATE: 9/26/2005
FORM / PAGES: Screenplay / 91
GENRE: Drama
READER: Xandy Sussan

PREMISE: A suicidal man meets with a Korean erotic masseuse to work out his issues regarding his life and his family before his death.

EVALUATION:

PREMISE: GOOD
PLOT / STORYLINE: POOR
STRUCTURE: FAIR
DIALOGUE: GOOD – SEE COMMENTS
COMMERCIALITY: FAIR
PROJECT RECOMMENDATION: CONSIDER
WRITER RECOMMENDATION: CONSIDER

SYNOPSIS:

We open as we meet MICHAEL a forty-ish writer as he tries to kill himself in the bathtub. Tired of how long it’s taking him to drown he gets up, gets dressed, grabs an orange and goes off to a Korean Massage parlor, which specializes in happy endings.

There Michael asks the manager for a specific girl but she’s not in that day. Michael is given over to SUSIE, a middle thirties whore who is trying to put her horrible past behind her.

Throughout their various sexual encounters and their discussions we learn that both Susie and Michael are parents of children they don’t see. They are both longing for someone to connect with on an emotional level and are plagued by their past humiliations and mistakes. Michael, we learn is estranged from his wife and daughter who refuse to have anything to do with him. Susie is still shouldering the burden of being raped by her uncle and giving birth to an unholy child. She watched as her father buried her child alive to alleviate the family shame. She has another child, a son, who lives in Korea with a friend whom she never sees.

As they get to know each other, they eventually have sex. Michael overcomes his impotence and they manage to come together as one single being satisfying each other’s every need. After the sex, Michael leaves the establishment with Susie watching after him. Susie makes her way to the front of the massage parlor and discovers that Michael left her an envelope full of money as well as all of his possessions. She then learns from the news that he was found dead in his apartment of an apparent suicide drowning.

We close as we see Susie back in Korea with her son. She is raising him and hopes to return with him to America soon. She feels like Michael is up in heaven with her daughter and is watching over them. She thinks fondly of him as she plays with her son.

COMMENTS:

There’s good news and bad news. The good news is this is a strong character driven piece with deep emotional pathos, interestingly crafted characters and an insightful message.

The bad news is, there’s so little action and so much talking that the script, even at a condense 91 pages, is a long mostly boring read. What this is, is a stage play. To make this script into a viable feature film production there needs to be more action, more locations, less exposition and explaining through dialogue and more character revelation through visual ideas.

The flashbacks, something I’m normally very against, work well here and there needs to be more articulate use of them. I feel that you did a far better job visually explaining Susie’s emotional turmoil through flashback than you did Michael’s. It was very clear that Michael wanted to be a good father and felt like a failure that his family and marriage fell apart. However, what wasn’t clear was the reasons his family fell apart. You showed only positive flashbacks with he and his daughter rather than show the difficult times with the wife. You spent a lot of time dealing with Michael’s mother but none with his wife. The scenes with the mother were visually compelling and interesting and I would like to see more of that same sort of thing with the wife.

It’s no secret that you are smart and literate, however, when you bang the reader over the head with your knowledge of authors and their work, it makes you seem insecure. You made many good and interesting points about metaphysical things but those points were so adeptly hidden in the 91 pages of dialogue that the end result and message were lost. Be less obtrusive and subtler with your ideas and writer references.

On the positive side, you did an excellent job with the dialogue. It was almost Edward Albee in some places and while there was a great deal of pontificating, it was also a pleasure reading what these characters had to say. I felt that you captured Susie’s voice far more convincingly than Michael’s. Michael seemed like such a pathetic waste of life that it was hard to be hopeful for him or wish him well. The other thing is, you need to decide whose story this is. If it is Michael’s, then only have his voice over throughout, even after he’s dead. It’s a wonderful trick and fantastically off-putting maneuver to have someone narrate from the grave and it takes a strong writer to pull it off. I feel like you’re that writer. I also feel if you’re going to use voice over use it throughout. Don’t just do the obligatory bookends.

Ending with Susie’s narration was a mistake. It’s not really her story. Just showing a shot of her at the end with her son back in Korea asking for an orange and seeing her happiness is enough. Then close either with a repeated quote from earlier on in the script, something profound and pithy, or give him something else to say to wrap it up would make this script more engaging.

The final thing that concerns me is the ending. Was Michael dead all along? Was the whole thing a fantasy? I wasn’t very clear about the ending and felt a little cheated that I didn’t understand it precisely. That’s something we can discuss further. Perhaps it might work better if the entire script was Michael’s death fantasy; the images and thoughts he had moments before his death. That way, as the ending wraps up and we learn that he’s dead, we understand everything perfectly. This would be a similar ending to “Jacob’s Ladder”. “Jacobs’s Ladder” used alternative structure and flashback in the same way and I feel that it might behoove you to follow that as an example for spicing up this script.

Anyway, solid first effort but this script needs a sense of immediate purpose and more plot to drive the story forward in order to make this a viable property. This script is a consider.

TITLE: Acapulco Gold
WRITER: Edwin Corley
DATE: 11/22/00
FORM / PAGES: Novel / 313
GENRE: Dramedy
READER: Xandy Sussan

PREMISE: An ad agency is put in charge of marketing the first legal marijuana cigarette and there are some serious ramifications, as the exec in charge must ponder his morality.

EVALUATION:
PREMISE: GOOD
PLOT / STORYLINE: EXCELLENT
STRUCTURE: EXCELLENT
DIALOGUE: EXCELLENT
COMMERCIALITY: EXCELLENT
PROJECT RECOMMENDATION: RECOMMEND
WRITER RECOMMENDATION: RECOMMEND

SYNOPSIS:

We open as we meet MIKE EVANS, a 32-year-old ad VP in charge of the Coronet Cigarette campaign. We meet EFFIE, his assistant and the rest of his team as they make their way to their meeting. When Mike’s team arrives, the Coronet client, UNCLE NORMAN and PORTER, the account exec greets them. Uncle Norman beats Mike’s team to the punch and tells them for some inexplicable reason they’ve been fired; they’ve lost their 12-million-dollar account.

Thinking they’re going to be canned for such poor performance the team adjourns downstairs to get properly pissed. After four martinis the boys seem ready to go back upstairs and meet with HAM, the big boss, to seal their fates. Much to their shock, Ham is amazingly pleasant and promises no one will be fired, that there is a new account in the hopper and no one should look for other work. He even grants one art director a raise. Befuddled the group leaves to go back to work. Ham asks Mike to stay behind. Mike, positive that he is going to be fired, is worried but his fears are allayed when he learns that he is to helm this new project with Porter and not to worry. Ham also asks him to show around JEAN, whom he thinks is a man, a researcher for the McClintock Committee. McClintock is a research effort poised to expose needless waste in various industries and they are now focusing on the ad game. Mike isn’t interested but is willing to help Ham out.

Back in his office, Mike sloshes in and much to Jean’s shock she realizes he’s drunk. They get off to a bad start but manage to come around by the end of their meeting. Effie is unhappy with Mike spending time with Jean seeing as they once had an affair. Mike tries to put her in her place but that only makes her more resentful.

That night Mike takes Jean out wines and dines her and generally tries to be charming. She is affected by him and allows her stiff and tight-buttoned guard down. He reveals to her what has been going on in their office winding up with the loss of the Coronet account. The following day, as Mike types up his expense report, Effie couldn’t be angrier so she spreads some ill gossip about Mike around the office. Mike really puts her in her place this time and tries to get on with his day. Suddenly a memo comes down that Mike and now Jean are to leave for Montego Bay with Porter and Ham in the morning and to make arrangements. When Effie learns of this she is beside herself but puts up with it.

The beginning of their trip is quite pleasant, them shopping at duty free and all. A gift of perfume softens Jean and pleases Mike. While up in the air, Ham, Porter and Mike have a surreptitious conversation about their business in Montego Bay . It is all very James Bond because Ham does not want to give the surprise away. After they land, Mike and Jean go to their hotel and speak briefly about the marijuana trade. They agree to stick to booze and not wind up in jail.

They go to the meeting with Ham, Porter and HANEY, the president of Coronet cigarettes. Mike is terribly confused at first, as the men discuss their business. Suddenly, Haney forces Jean out of the room not wanting her to participate in these discussions. She agrees but not with out a fight and a few choice words. She storms back to her room where she starts to pack for home. Mike wonders what is going on with everyone. Finally Haney breaks it down for him. They are planning to market and sell the first legal marijuana cigarette and Ham is going to market it with Mike’s team. Mike, empowered with this information, sticks up for Jean explaining that the McClintock people came out in favor of legalizing marijuana and she could be an asset. The men agree and apologize for misjudging her. Mike goes after her. They have a brief disagreement, which leads up to a passionate spontaneous kiss. When the kiss turns too hot and heavy, Jean backs out. Mike is confused. They make their way back to the meeting where the men apologize to her for their behavior. Haney agrees she can stay and even welcomes her.

They travel to the plantation where the ganja is grown and spend the afternoon. They have a roast pig cookout and talk about the deal. Mike, Jean and Haney go for a walk where Haney confidentially explains that he wants Mike to ride shotgun as Haney illegally smuggles in several hundred pounds of herb. Mike at first is against it but after a short nap realizes that he really has to do it. He goes to inform Haney and discovers that Haney knew all along that he would say yes and has rewarded him with a handsome promotion and a generous raise. Jean declares that she will be going too. That night they eat heartily from the roast pig and learned that Haney laced the food with the best ganja around. They all get high and have a good time.

The next day, Mike, Haney and Jean head back for the states on their prop plane filled to the brim with weed. They’re nervous at first but when everything is okay they fly right into Orlando airport where they land. Uncle Norman is ready and waiting as they taxi to the hangar.

Mike and Jean, armed with some of Haney’s cash, head into town where they check into the Holiday Inn. Jean learns that the project she was working on has been cancelled and that she no longer has to stay in New York and observe him. Mike takes Jean for a nice dinner; they go back to Jean’s room where she produces a manila envelope stuffed with pot. Seeing as she is in touch with the college girl perspective and knows her fair share about pot he offers her a job on his team. She agrees to think about it. They roll some joints and have amazing sex. After they’re through, not wanting to waste what was left of the high, Mike runs to his room where he gets a bathing suit he bought for Jean in Montego Bay. When he returns with it, Jean is immediately angry and slams the door in his face. Perplexed and sullen Mike goes back to his room.

They leave for New York , barely speaking to each other. Mike goes into the office and begins work on his new campaign. Effie is pleased to see him back and in good spirits and all seems forgiven between them. The product is still top secret but they get to work on naming the marijuana cigarette. Mike misses Jean and tries to call her a number of times but does not get a response. Suddenly Jean shows up on his doorstep, hat in hand. Mike welcomes her in with open arms. She explains that why she flipped out on him in Florida was because she only has one breast. The other was removed in a mastectomy and she is horrible shy about it. Mike takes her into his arms and tells her it’s all right. He tells her he loves her and they kiss. They smoke some weed, make some love and decide not to be separate. Jean agrees to take the job and Mike couldn’t be more pleased.

The project moves further and with the decision to name it Acapulco Gold, they start work on commercial, radio and print ads. Mike spends lots of time in bed with Jean smoking pot and petting each other.

They decide to shoot several commercials highlighting their product but still keeping what it is under wraps. They plan to wing out to the coast. The impending separation makes Jean nervous and she brings up JANICE, Mike’s ex-wife. Mike, who had no plans to see Janice, tries to allay her fears but can’t manage to do so. Jean breaks up with him and he is broken hearted.

The next day in Los Angeles , during a casting session, Janice shows up as one of the actresses. Uncle Norman takes quite a shine to her and hires her without consulting with Mike first. Mike is much chagrined but allows it. Janice comes to Mike’s hotel room and tries to patch things up but his callous behavior sends her packing. She goes out with Norman to torture Mike but it doesn’t work. During the shoot the following day, Norman tries to play off that they slept together but Norman doesn’t buy it. When the hand model can’t make it, Mike takes Janice out for a drink and explains his predicament. She laughs at him and herself for all the years she spent thinking that he always took the high ground, no pun intended, and here he is pushing dope. She agrees to do the hand modeling and shortly thereafter they fall into bed.

They spend the week in a non-pot-induced bliss. When it comes time to leave, Mike is almost sorry but then he realizes that with Jean there’s a future and with Janice there is nothing more than an agonizing past. Janice is sorry she didn’t win him back but he promises to call her when he realizes that this is as good as it can get.

Meanwhile, Haney’s man in the White House is a little concerned about what he’s doing. Someone on the team is leaking their private and confidential dealings to the president and vice-president elect. Fortunately, Haney is on it and he manages to smooth things over.

They all meet in a tiny town in upstate New York where they get ready to watch the airing of the first commercial. Based on the market research, the commercial is a hit and broke down all the stereotypes for the drug. Mike and Jean have another encounter but the mood is that of endings rather than beginnings. Jean is hurt about Janice but tries not to show it and Mike tries to make it clear that she is the one he wants. They make love.

In the morning Mike goes looking for Jean, but she has left him and returns back to Chicago. Mike goes back to the city where he is desperately lonely for Jean. Mike tracks her down in Chicago and begs to whisk her away for a week’s vacation in Montego Bay. Jean agrees but tries to impart that there is something dreadfully wrong between them. Mike is blissfully unaware. They arrive in Jamaica and have a lovely time. They only smoke pot twice and spend the rest of the time being happy. Mike proposes to her but it is more than she can stand. Finally, Jean blurts out her horrible secret. She is the rat, the leak. She is the one giving the information to the president elect. Mike is floored. She confesses it is because she is a pothead and that Mike is really just peddling dope. She didn’t want other kids to get hooked like she did while in the hospital recovering from her breast surgery.

He leaves her there with a bottle of Chanel #5 as what would have been the engagement present and heads down to Washington where he tries to make peace with Haney. Haney is pleased to know it wasn’t him and tells Mike to get over it. Haney invites him to stay for the inauguration and Mike accepts. Mike calls Janice and invites her to come spend some time with him. She agrees and it looks like they’re back together. Mike realizes that this is really as good as it gets and he knows no other life than advertising.

COMMENTS:

This was a great book. The narrative voice was both wry and clever and always managed to be entertaining while keeping the importance of the story and the plot in the forefront. The tone of the piece was strong and inventive. The story was interesting and was dotted with many fine and well-developed characters whose moral struggles and emotional ones were intricately crafted. This book was more like spending time with people rather than reading about fictitious characters.

Mike’s romance with Jean was both clear and poignant. It started out as just an office lay but managed to transform both characters into new and different people by the end in both an artful and relaxed manner. Jean’s tragic struggle with drugs and her secret and hidden passion for them was many-leveled and clearly felt. When she turned into a detractor for him, Mike was then able to see where he went wrong and how he lost his soul in the process. Mike’s struggle to figure out what is good and right along with trying to be happy when there is nothing in view but work was compelling and is strong enough to carry the entire piece.

The varied back drops of the different cities and environments were visually explained, almost as if it were storyboarded rather than written. The clever tone of the piece added a surrealist quality that heightened the tension and allowed for a glimpse into a world that could have existed or perhaps exists at the same time as our own. This timelessness is a wonderful attribute that will lend itself to a terrific movie and will allow audiences to easily slip into the story and go along for the ride.

This novel could be easily adapted for the screen and would make a really enjoyable movie. This is a total recommend and a great read.