April has been a jam-packed, incredible month, filled with many blessings and surprises… and it’s not even over yet!

April began with a speaking engagement at the RT Convention about the importance of script coverage, and what to expect from your story analyst. Merrel Davis was on the panel with me, and we spoke to a full-house crowd of published, aspiring, and undiscovered writers and readers who were willing and eager to learn.

We were met with such a warm welcome thanks to, popular and sensational author, Viviana, who hosted and moderated our panel. She paid keen attention to novelists and how they too can benefit from a writing assessment. What the writers left the panel with was a solid understanding of the steps required to start their careers in screen / novel writing and why being open to feedback goes a long way once you achieve your goal of selling your work. We also made sure to get out the word on branding. Just because you’re a writer and you’re sitting at home hunting and pecking out your opus, doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have a proper web and professional presence. It’s easily achieved and is so integral to your success.

Next we were on to the LA Comedy Shorts Film Festival, where Merrel and I were sponsors. It was more branding talk and networking with some very, very funny people and exceptionally talented filmmakers. The event was a 4-day non-stop, hilarity-filled extravaganza, with fantastic nighttime parties at the Kyoto Grand, ESPN Zone, and J Restaurant and Lounge. The liquor was ever-flowing, the attendees loads of fun and with every short we screened, it reignited my passion for making film.

As fate would have it, my recently reignited cinematic passion would get instantly put to good use, because Merrel and I are off to shoot a documentary pilot in Nebraska. It is an awesome time and a most exciting adventure traveling to a town of 292 people about 4 hours south of South Dekota. It’s a town that time forgot. The residents harken back to a way a life that is all but extinguished. It is a place where men work the land and rear their cattle to support their families. We’re going in search of the last bastion of the original American way of life and some sexy cowboys!

The last two weeks have been pre-pro central; work-shopping cameras, production meetings and shot lists. With cameras and crew locked in, we’re off to start location scouting / casting on 4000 acres of rich ranch land and local prep for our shoot.

Even though I can barely sleep for excitement about what’s coming in just a matter of days, beyond our awesome Midwestern Safari shoot, there’s loads to look forward to this summer!! GAPF in June, Screenwriter Karaoke NYC edition in July and much more! Stay tuned!

Isn’t it the best when you wake up and find that your work is already done for you? It’s awesome, especially if you have a partner like mine. Since Merrel did such a great job of telling everyone what’s on the horizon for us, I figured I would just gank his post, and use it. Why do it twice, when it’s done perfectly the first time? So, here’s what’s going on in April:

APRIL 2011

RT Booklovers Convention

HOLLYWOOD: From Page to Screen : Script Consultants Give You the Goods
Date: Wednesday April 6, 2011 01:00 pm – 02:00 pm
Event Type: Writer Industry Workshop
Location: The Westin Bonaventure Hotel & Suites, 404 South Figueroa Street, Los Angeles, CA 90071
Phone: 213-624-1000

RT Booklovers convention is hosted by RTBookReview.com and is a focused community of romance writers across several sub-genres. Though I’m not working on the next “Twilight-killer” I do know what makes for good story, and I’m delighted to be joined by fellow panelists and writers Xandy Sussan (imdb), Melinda Snodgrass (imdb) and moderator Vivi Anna.  We’ll sort you out. Romance lovers, hope to see you there.

LA Comedy Shorts Film Festival

CoverMyScript.com will be out at the LA COMEDY SHORTS FILM FESTIVAL:

The L.A. Comedy Shorts Film Festival and Screenplay Competition is dedicated to introducing the newest and hottest comedic talent to the industry, and helping them make the connections they need to take their careers to the next level.

In fact, the winners of the LA COMEDY SHORTS screenplay competition will also win a gracious CoverMyScript.com BRANDING AND NEXT STEPS CONSULTATION PACKAGE with myself and CoverMyScript.com owner, Xandy Sussan. Check it out, it’s going to be awesome, I mean Gary Anthony Williams people!  He’s very pretty (source: bio.)

Script Frenzy

Script Frenzy is an international writing event in which participants take on the challenge of writing 100 pages of scripted material in the month of April.

Along with Merrel, I’ll be co-writing a stoner comedy script, based on an outline we hashed out (pardon the pun) last year. Script Frenzy is an excellent tool to keep yourself accountable. My goals with this draft are simple; get it on the page, beat it up, slap it around. Many other will be pushing themselves to hit the 100 page mark this April too. Follow me on twitter @covermyscript or Merrel at @uncompletedwork and the hash-tag #scriptfrenzy for my progress and others. You can also sign up and track your progress on ScriptFrenzy.org

SCREENWRITER KARAOKE

Screenwriter Karaoke is going through some exciting changes in the coming months to include a NEW VENUE and NEW SPONSORS! Stay tuned for upcoming news about the when and where  and what special conventions and conferences you’ll see Screenwriter Karaoke attend. If you’d like to suggest your favorite karaoke joint in Los Angeles, tweet at @SWKaraoke.

Netflix has got my best interest at heart. I know that now. Anytime I’m bored, or lazy or just trolling the channels looking for something fresh, there’s Netflix Streaming with a fantastic suggestion for me. Sunday’s offering: Visioneers.

I’m not a fan of “small films,” usually, because I find their story choices to be largely influenced by their aggressively poor budget. That’s just one of my filmmaking pet peeves. However, Visioneers isn’t like that all. While it was indeed a “small film,” it was well-crafted, visually inspired and has such a fresh twist on a bleak future universe that it was a total surprise delight. I loved it!

Visioneers is the simple story of a man, living in a dystopian corporate-owned tomorrow, which is only a mere hyperbolic breath from reflecting our actual reality. Zach Galifianakis stars as George, a middle-management worker at The Jeffers Company, the most influential company in the country. There it’s always a sunshiny “Jeffers Morning.” While The Jeffers Corp would have you believe everything is wonderful, there’s a palpable feeling that Big Brother is ruling with an iron hand. Under all those faux Jeffers smiles, are really worker bees not wanting to be wished into the cornfield. So they continue along searching for an ever-evasive happiness that will always allude them. Under the weight of having to pretend to be happy all the time, this society is suffering from such outrageous stress that it causes them to literally explode… It’s like Kopfgeschlagen, only with less Kevin Kline.

It was this quirky premise that caught my attention, it was the solid filmmaking that kept my attention. This movie didn’t find issue with the fact that they were small, they used it to their advantage. Since the future was close, the world so very similar, the sparse sets had a modern Brazil feel that instantly piqued my interest. In fact, the set design was fantastic. It really felt like a near modern tomorrow. It was because of this concerted visual style that it was so easy to believe this world could and probably would exist.

I’m not into Galifianakis’ man-child routine, so to see him play it straight, emotional, frustrated was compelling and powerful. Judy Greer, also known for her comedy, was delightfully dark and melancholy as his limp wife, too depressed to have her own ideas.

There was a bit of a let down for me with a couple of the sub-plots, (his relationship to George Washington, his absent son for example) but on the whole, I didn’t let the fact that it didn’t totally pay off for me ruin the entire experience. There were too many clever nuances, jokes, mannerisms and unexpected hand gestures for me to feel otherwise. This movie pretty well delivered. It was certainly worth the time it took to watch it on a Sunday morning, and it has stayed with me, like a haunting dream, since then. Plus, I’m a sucker for a movie that opens with an industrial film. So check out, Visioneers. It’s a Jeffers movie, for sure.

Follow me on Miso for more of What I’m Watching on TV.

Follow me on Twitter for embarrassing photographs of cats napping.

I’ve been obsessed with Adam Reed and Matt Thompson since Space Ghost Coast to Coast. I basically memorized every episode of Sealab 2021. “Mustache on!” “Too bad!” They are two of the wittiest, most clever, and most irreverently funny modern animation writers around. So, when I heard they were no longer trolling the late nights of obscurity on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim, but had in fact, graduated to prime time on a real network, I was so pleased for them! But, due to a series of unfortunate events, I never got to catch Archer, season 1, when it first aired. Bummer.

Enter Netflix, always saving me from myself. Archer, season 1, is now available on streaming, so I partook. I made snacks, grabbed a pal, and settled in for a three and a half hour marathon of what I was hoping was going to be genius television.  And while Archer had many fine qualities, it wasn’t the home run I was looking for.

I expected that Reed and Thompson’s gonzo attitude and edgy animation would translate into mainstream, but all going network did for them was give them anemia. There’s something about this 22-minute, plot-driven format that doesn’t quite work for me. I keep wanting the script to be sharper, the comedy to be more absurd, the action written to the act breaks. But what I got was a watered down version of all of that. The plots felt lazy to me, sort of what you expect from season 4 of a successful show, after the story editor is tired and doesn’t care anymore, not the first season. A Training Day parody as a pilot? I mean, seriously? This from the team who created Frisky Dingo’s Killface? “We can’t ever go back to Arizona!” I just kept hoping for more, and yet, every episode for me was about a B-; enough to pass the class respectably, but not enough that you should really be proud of yourself.

The reckless comedic spirit of Reed and Thompson’s work I had come to admire, so very much, was woefully lacking for me in Archer. All that remained of their former glory were a few snickers here, a couple of chuckles there from their well-crafted, and interesting supporting cast but that isn’t enough for me when the over-arching story is a lame-duck. While Aisha Tyler is simply adorably aggressive, and her “Noooooooope!” will live on for me as something I will say to amuse myself while in line at the grocery store, the dialogue was simply lacking the lasting impact I wanted as a whole.

Another issue for me was there is a thin line between a wink and coattail riding. Everyone with any taste loves Jessia Walter. I mean, what’s not to love? For nearly 50-years, she has miraculously turned the horrible, abusive, drunken mother into a loveable creature through her cruel jabs and honed matriarchal hatred. And in no other role was she quite so magnificent as the evil mommy dearest in Arrested Development. Playing opposite Jeffrey Tambor, the two created televisual magic as the worst parents in America. Reunited on Archer, along with Judy Greer, (Arrested Development’s Kitty) it’s hard not to draw a comparison… especially when Arrested Development is winning. Jessica Walter’s Malory reads as a light-weight Lucille Bluth and that’s just a one-note shame. Reed and Thompson took the best, nuanced, hilarious work Jessica Walter has ever done and distilled it down to a watery-gin-soaked tomb. I wanted more than just to rest on 16 and be satisfied that I get to spend some quality time with Jessica Walter, but rather wanted to be dazzled by her presence. And for me, this re-pairing of the Bluths and Kitty should be more than just Arrest Development lite, with half the calories and a 1/3 of the taste.

The bottom line, this isn’t a terrible show. It is, actually, pretty good in comparison to all the other crap currently on the air right now. And boy is there a lot of crap! But it’s sorta like when George Harrison used to put out solo work. Yeah, it’s good, but it’s not as good as what you know he’s capable of. That’s how I felt about Archer. I was totally hoping for more at every joke but was left with a caseload of underwhelmed.

Follow me on Miso for more of What I’m Watching on TV.

Follow me on Twitter for as many shades of toenail polish as there are periodic elements.

When my friend Zac got on Miso, and started checking in to whatever he was watching, I thought how cool!! Now finally social networking for something I care about… television! I joined up, had my Miso linked to my Twitter and Facebook, and suddenly Covermyscript was watching TV for fun and profit… the profit was in my abs, chiseled by the power of laughter. Win!

On Saturday, Netflix told me I was missing out on CBC’s Trailer Park Boys. Well, Netflix to the rescue again! What a surprise treat.

Trailer Park Boys, is like The Canadian Office in a trailer park. It’s white trash awesome! And this mockumentary series is still capturing Canadian hearts, eyeballs and dollars, after eight years. In fact, the feature film sequel out in 2010, was the highest grossing film in Canada last year. Trailer Park Boys‘ Mike Clattenburg created some of the most interesting, rich, pathologically stupid characters I’ve ever enjoyed spending time with.

The series surrounds Julian, Ricky and Bubbles, three life-long friends, who are always trying to do the right thing the wrong way. That, to me, is really what makes this show likable. It’s not a 22-minute romp on the Jerry Springer set with no rationale behind it other than sheer exploitation. Rather, it’s about “real” people who love their families and community, and go try to provide for them the only way they know how… by stealing or growing dope.

It’s got a Cartoon Network Adult Swim vibe to it, which makes it all the more familiar yet inventive.  With Trailer Park Boys‘ sardonic humor, genuine heart, and the best never-ending flow of great low-class malapropisms since Voltaire, this series is one, exciting “hillabilly” adventure after another.

With 8-episode seasons, and seven seasons to watch, it took me a marathon three days to get through all the episodes, two movies and a Christmas special. While the movies didn’t have the same energy or success for me the series did, since there were so many episodes, I could just go back and re watch them again to death.

Thanks be to Netflix, you just found me my new favorite show. Follow me on Miso to see what else I’m watching.

I am a total rule breaker, a rebel, Dottie, a loner. I cut in line when I don’t feel like I should have to wait (that’s the entitled New Yorker in me). I write my emails in all lower-case because I know, somewhere in writer heaven, William Strunk and E. B. White are sharing a drink and would approve of my minor rebellion. And I live in a special Eden reserved only for those who can stomach / thrive in the smoggy entertainment industry that is Los Angeles. Nothing about me is commonplace or pedestrian; everything about me is wild, edgy and unexpected… especially my writing.

I realized, after a heated debate during last night’s #scriptchat on twitter, some writers are flat out refusing to outline and I was shocked. I am no hobbyist. Writing is my profession, and as such, when I sell my work, people expect my scripts to not only be correct, ground-breaking, and unexcelled, it also has to be worth paying for. So, how do I make sure that I not only deliver a solid product that is exactly what the story editor / producer / client wants and still get to run free through the fields of creativity?  I OUTLINE EVERYTHING!

Don’t get me wrong. Outlining sucks. I hate doing what feels like extra work for free. HATE! Outlining is boring and hard and annoying and not as fun as running through the fields of creativity untethered to such banalities as a plan. Who needs a plan when it feels so good just to write? Well, writing for pay, or any writing really is not about the masturbatory feeling of creation. If you’re lucky, sometimes you get a happy ending and that’s awesome, but that’s not usually the end goal. It’s about getting the work done correctly and excellently. And the way to ensure that happens is to outline.

I can hear all of you non-outlining writers and your myriad of excuses like a Greek Chorus: it “hinders my creativity,” “forces me into a box,” “doesn’t allow me to find new angles with my story…” Yeah, I totally get it. But without an outline, the fields of creativity turn into a hall of mirrors and you will get lost in the reflection of what your story was supposed to be, not what it actually is. It is the very rare writer who is able to wing it and churn out a salable product at the end. So, basically, not you. Not me. Not 99% of working or aspiring writers. We all must outline, so we have a basic road map of the story we’re trying to communicate or your story will literally get lost in translation.

Outlining does not, in fact, hinder anything. It in no way hampers your ability to fantasize and create inventive scenarios for your characters to live out. It forces you to do all that awesome “thinking-it-through” before you ever hit page 1. It’s a twisted version of instant gratification. Outlining affords you the chance to play with your characters without spending tedious hours churning out pages that suck and eventually get deleted. In reality, outlining will help you and your story stay focused, and if you follow a few of my tips, you’ll discover that you’re in fact freer to do all the fun writing because your foundation is solid.

There’s a few ways / steps to tackle outlining:

I generally will have the client start by writing a simple beat sheet. Just a basic shopping list of story beats: this happens, then this happens, and then that happens, etc. It’s never more than a page, but it helps them see what their story really is, the important beats, the basic ideas and characters and helps them discover plot holes, lacking character arcs, and story misfires. The simple act of “thinking-it-through” always helps the writers see what is working and what still needs work.

Then, once we’ve gone over the 1-page and talked through the story they want to tell, versus what I’ve read, and they’re at a place where I feel like their barest skeleton is solid, I ask them to expand that simple 1-page into 5. It’s then, they can add more flourish, but not too much… this is an outline, not a short story, some important or funny snippets of dialogue they don’t want to forget, and flesh out the story a bit more.

After we review that, see how it’s working, discuss tweaks if necessary, I send them back to expand their 5-page outline further to 30-ish pages. I say “ish” because this isn’t an exact science. Some writers who are honed and in practice can deliver a solid feature outline in 20-pages, some are gabbier and need 40-pages. But 30-pages is a good number to shoot for. In this pass, I ask the writer to really tell the whole story (without florid language), scene by scene. 30-pages is enough to develop your characters’ emotional pathos, embellish your sub-plots, and still allow for dialogue quips, etc.

Then (and here’s my trick) what I do, and what I instruct my clients to do, is take that solid 30-page outline, and pop it into the script. Since you’ve been so painstaking in setting forth your story, you can use your outline as the basis of your first draft, building out your script from there. It always seems to the clients “God! Why is she such a sadist?!” until they realize, that they never have to stare at a blank screen. You’ve immediately got 30-pages of your script done, just by popping in the outline. It removes the pressure of facing that white page, with only FADE IN:. It’s a cheap trick, but it’s a good one. By then, you’ve already got a leg up on expanding your 30-pages into 90 or 120, but no more, because my bladder can’t take anymore 3-hour movies.

When you write from within the outline, you know which scene is next, where to plant the misdirection and how to heighten the tension, because you’ve already planned for it. But let’s say, now you’re into draft 1 and you think, “Eh, this isn’t working.” You’ve at least got your 1-page list of scenes, your 5-page outline and your notes to reference, which makes plot changes way easier to implement and keep track of, especially if it’s a major shift. You need to remember all the stuff that builds around it, and fix whatever is impacted by it. How are you supposed to keep track of all those balls in the air, if you forget one? Outlining will help keep your writing on the ball.

Writing without an outline can be fun and dangerous, but rarely yields successful results. Why not expend that same level of effort and enthusiasm by furiously typing in a constructive manner? Then, you will be free to run through the fields of creativity untethered by banalities… you’ll be able to have your script and write it too.

Photo courtesy of regrifters.com / Photo Credit – Jon Shaivitz

As we all sit back and bask in the excitement of The Oscar season to come (now that the nods have come down today), I get to bask in the excitement of being nominated myself… for a Shorty Award! And it truly is a thrill just to be nominated. But now that I’m in it, like everything else I’ve ever done, I want to win.

The Shorty Awards honors the best producers of real-time, short-form content (under 140 characters) and I can’t believe that I’ve been included with some of the best tweeters out there, Nathan Fillion, Maureen Johnson and the great NPH. I’ve been nominated in #screenwriting, #scriptwriter and several other categories, and while I’m winning the #screenwriting war, I’m losing the big #entertainment battle. I need your help to sweep the #entertainment category with over 1300 votes. I currently have 2. Here’s the low-down on voting.

How the Shorty Awards Work

The Shorty Awards are a worldwide effort to engage hundreds of thousands of Twitter users to identify the best people and organizations on Twitter.

Voting

• To vote, send a tweet like this: I nominate @TwitterUser for a Shorty Award in #category because… (add reason here)
• You can also tweet shorter votes like this: #shortyawards @username #category (add quick reason here). This shorter format is helpful if you want to vote from a party, on the road, in a meeting, or on a boat
• Be as creative as you want with the reason
• A tweet that does not give a reason for the nomination will not be counted
• The nomination must be relevant to the category
• Only one person and one category per tweet
• Voting for the same person in the same category more than once just replaces the text of your original vote; it does not count as an additional vote
• You can vote in any of the Official Categories (#entertainment for me) or make up a category of your own. If a new category becomes popular, it might be turned into an Official Category with an award presented at the ceremony in March
• Twitterers are welcome to campaign and encourage their friends to vote for them
• Voters must be active Twitter users prior to the start of the competition. Votes originating from new Twitter accounts or accounts used mainly for Shorty Awards voting will automatically be disqualified and will not count toward the rankings

Winner Selection

Nominations

• Anyone with a valid, active, and public Twitter account can nominate any Twitter user for a Shorty Award in any category
• The six users with the highest rank in each official category at the end of the nomination period become finalists
• In case of a tie, all of the nominees who tied will be included as finalist.
• Nominations run through the end of January 2011!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! THAT’S SOON! So, please, like I’m a telethon, please vote for me in the #entertainment category and ask your friends to do likewise. It’ll take a second and will mean so much to me.

x

xox

As Valentine’s Day draws near, hopefully your mailboxes are filled with sweet cards, your hearts are filled with glowing love and may the chocolate from the shiny red box not end up on your ass. My fingers are crossed for all three for me!!!

But chocolate and valentines are not nearly as important as your romantic comedy script. Is it merely in need of a new outfit and a bikini wax for that first date? Or is it so rusty, from being benched in a drawer that it needs a whole new shine before getting back out on the town? Either way, we’re here to help!

So, between now and the end of February, Covermyscript.com is offering a SPECIAL: book coverage on any ROMANTIC COMEDY / DRAMEDY (or ZOMBIE / HORROR flick if you’re just anti the whole “love” thing) and you’ll get a FREE QUERY letter as our valentine to you. That’s a $65 gift… something that should hopefully warm your cockles… and help your success.

I’m so excited to get all, hot, bothered and in-the-mood reading all of your steamy romantic movies. February is going to be a very special month, indeed!

I had a funny experience recently and I thought I’d share. A client Skyped (add me, I’m CoverMyScript.com) to do a consultation, wanting to run their idea past me before they launched into the great beyond of outlining, to see if I felt like their idea had merit. So I listened to his pitch, and it was indeed a terrific idea for a terrific movie; Harold and Maude. I told the client, you and Hal Ashby sure do have something there.

The client was puzzled, who was this Hal Ashby? Was he another client or a Hollywood writer? I was like, duh?! Harold and Maude?

“Hello?!” I said. “This movie has been made already and perfectly. So unless you own the rights and are doing a remake, you just pitched me a 40-year old movie.” The client couldn’t believe how he had never heard of it, because it did indeed sound awesome to him and immediately went to watch it on Netflix.

So, he books me again, two more ideas. This time he pitches me the “Invaders” and “The Monsters are Due on Maple Street” episodes of The Twilight Zone, with no changes or differences. I would swear that it was plagiarism, had he not been so appalled when I told him, that he, like M. Knight Shalamalanadingdong had ripped off The Twilight Zone. I rolled my eyes so big, I’m sure they caused an earthquake somewhere.

This is now three times this guy has pitched to me, and three times they were ideas that had already been done and done brilliantly. He had refused any black and white movies or television because they were in black and white and therefore must be boring. I was alarmed and immediately set him straight. Everything comes from something and most everything comes from The Twilight Zone. I don’t mean literally, I mean the television program.

But his pop culture education was so woefully lacking, not only had he never seen an episode, he was unable to realize he was accidentally stealing the best produced ideas out there. I told him, when he crumbled under the annoyance of having to think up more produced stories to pitch to me that he should just watch The Twilight Zone and see all the stories that have ever been written. Because in their 5 seasons, they had maybe 6 bad episodes among 156, and almost every one of their stories was an original gem that many others have, in one way or another, ripped off. Better to know what’s been done, so you’re not treading over hallowed ground thinking you’re a genius. Or at least that’s what I told him.

For those of you unindoctrinated to the genius work of Rod Serling, he wrote the bulk of the episodes for The Twilight Zone, a series of his creation that ran from 1959-1964, after coming off a successful career as a movie-of-the-week writer for TV series like “Playhouse 90″, “Westinghouse Desilu Playhouse, and “Armchair Theatre”. Seriously, check him out. Read his work. Soak it up. He was one of the most prolific television writers ever. In fact, his episode “Requiem for a Heavyweight” is considered by most to be better than any boxing movie ever, including Raging Bull and On The Waterfront.

Find the script, read it. It’s fantastic. And it holds up incredibly well for a 50-year old script. Actually, it’s got a lot of similar themes to the current true story “The Fighter,” starring Mark Wahlburg and Christian Bale.

I’m not going to launch into a diatribe and chronicle Rod Serling’s whole career, because there are hundreds of books, articles and interviews on him everywhere. Go seek out his writing or if you’re too lazy to read, add The Twilight Zone to your Netflix queue. It’s worth it to watch the best serialized television ever created… even if it’s in “boring black and white.” Had we not been skyping, I would’ve smacked him with a copy of Metropolis. Fool.

The Social Network patois is annoying! Which part? The part where they…talk too much and say so much and so fast and it’s all so precious. My head hurts from The Social Network, Aaron Sorkin‘s 2-hour amped, surprisingly deposition laden romp about people writing code and backstabbing over fraternities that are really study clubs, chicken abuse and big bucks.

I listened to the opening scene: a break-up we’ve all had, a scene we’ve all written. A generic college bar, a guy and girl who can’t get it together. Harsh words exchanged at such a fast rate that it felt less like real life and more like the characters were waiting smugly with their barbs just to step on each other’s words. They weren’t talking like people, or characters really, they were using the writer’s own voice. And when everyone sounds the same, it’s a lot of shouting down a boring crowded hallway of clones.

Opening your characters to new voices while keeping them in stead with their peers is the way to properly craft a character. Besties will have common phrases, while so will criminals, generally not the same ones, but each person and the way they speak is unique and special and to just steamroll from one line to the next isn’t right, because it doesn’t give the actors a chance to emote, to relate, or to create the necessary pathos needed to care about the characters. Or to borrow a phrase from Tyler Durden, Sorkin is just letting his characters “Wait for their turn to speak.” He doesn’t give them the space to deeply interact. It’s like a boxing a hanging bag: boom boom boom boom. Rhythmic repetition but a slamming beat over and over.

Those characters weren’t connecting, they were reciting lines like every Sorkin character ever recited a line before them, well, but sounding like Sorkin himself, hyper, clever and geniusly aggressive. And maybe, if I play devil’s advocate for a second and give Sorkin some credit, and say he was setting up the pacing, the energy of the film, the characters as unlikable people through this opening scene, well he did that in spades. Except nothing about any of it endeared me to any of them. Because they were so go-go-go in the exact same way, my heart was thumping, due to the non-stop, rapid-fire, pseudo-genius-ease. I found the dialogue exhausting. I walked out and wished for aspirin for my aching head.

This whole movie felt like each character was hanging around the craft service table just waiting for their chance to deliver their lines perfectly. I LOVE David Fincher. He’s a God and his filmmaking is incredible. It was exciting, off-putting, confusing and while I felt the ending lacked some of the resolution I was looking for, I felt it was artful and worthy. It was beautifully shot, the pacing was excellent and the match reveals worked brilliantly.

However, the writing drove me mad! I tried to get lost in Fincher’s cinema, but I can’t help it. I can’t stand Aaron Sorkin’s “coke binge patois”… every character sounds like the same genius who has been up all night doing blow. And while that’s fun for some, it gives me a headache, especially when no one has their spoons out willing to share.

To be fair, Sorkin isn’t the only one whose writing I find challenging for this exact reason. Sitting through aggressive, same patios is exhausting, not because the writers themselves are not super-genius talented; they’re characters, every one of them, are a one-trick ponies and I want more.

The common thread here is that when every character in your script sounds the same: the grocery man, the teen slut, the butcher, the baker, and the gun runner, your script won’t read right. The best writers are writers who are able to have a total consistent voice that is their own, while imbuing their characters with their own voices and patois. For example, I might speak differently with my bestie at a rave than at a holiday dinner with the folks, but if my folks and everyone at the party sounds the same, and everyone in every scene after does as well, it looses its charm. But in movies like this, with very important writers, the WRITING IS WHAT MATTERS. Don’t make everyone sound the same. Give the characters the respect they deserve to be their own people. You put so much effort into creating them, make them the special individuals they are.

Yes, the story is important, but one part of the screenwriting process that is so neglected are the characters’ voices, and if you’re unable to craft them so that they’re different enough to live in the same world but “be their own people,” then for me your movie isn’t a success. I’m not lambasting Sorkin. He’s a genius and talented and he and I know it. I just wish he didn’t write all of his characters the same and at the same level of clever genius, studio exec or janitor. It makes them all seem dumb in their shining brilliance.

Oh and a little shoutout to Justin Timberlake trying to act. He’s so cute. I wanted to pinch his cheeks every time he earnestly tried to deliver a poignant line. Aww, Justin. Keep at it buddy, you’ll get there. I hear you’re the voice of Boo-Boo.