CoverMyScript.com will have a vendor table at The Great American PitchFest in the great hall on Saturday. We will be providing on-the-spot consultations, one-sheet help, pitch prep and many other services. Stop on by and say hello!

Here’s a list of what we’re offering:

Can’t wait to see you there!

June is a very exciting month! It marks two very important occasions: The Great American Pitchfest and Screenwriter Karaoke’s 1st Anniversary!

CoverMyScript.com is so proud and honored to be participating in the 7th Annual Great American Pitchfest. For those of you unfamiliar with The Great American Pitchfest, it is a yearly event at the Burbank Marriott where hundreds of writers pitch en masse to hundreds of production companies. It’s an exciting, frenzied, energy-packed event and we at CoverMyScript.com are so proud to be a part of it in two ways.

Saturday, June 26th, CoverMyScript.com will be on site with a team of talented, speedy story analysts from 9am until 5 pm to help you meet your Sunday pitch time crunch. We will be offering a variety of on-the-spot services from one-sheet construction, query writing, as well as last-minute pitch prep consults to help you hone your skills. With prices starting at $20, there’s a service to fit any budget.  We will be accepting credit cards through paypal as well as cash for easy transactions.

There are many seminars to check out from 9 am until 5 pm with something for every writer. Then stick around for Screenwriter Karaoke! A fun networking event for screenwriters that doesn’t take itself too seriously. Have a couple of drinks and sing your heart out. We promise we won’t judge. We can’t sing either. ;-p

Not sure what to sing? Here’s the Screenwriter Karaoke Song List for PitchFest.

Saturday, June 26th @ 6 PM
Marriott Burbank Hotel & Convention Center
Room “Academy Two”
2500 N. Hollywood Way, Burbank, CA 91505

AND LATER COME OUT TO OUR REGULAR SPOT SARDO’S AFTER 10 PM. Just a short ride in town.
Sardo’s Grill and Lounge
259 N. PASS AVE.
BURBANK, CA 91505

What are the rules?
* NO COVER CHARGE.
* CASH Bar only.
* Hotel parking has been made available at a discounted rate of $14 to attendees.
* 21 and over only. Please bring ID and be prepared to show it.
* Have fun, drink , sing and connect!

Come out, make some new friends and meet #scriptchat peeps Jeanne Veillette Bowerman and Zac Sanford who will both be in attendance. It’s a very exciting time and CoverMyScript.com couldn’t be more honored to be apart of this. Hope to see you there!

5 days ago, I finished my 108 page feature that I wrote in approximately 20-ish days, for Script Frenzy. As soon as I typed “FADE OUT.  THE END.” I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. The last month was jam-packed with stress and thinking and typing, and worst part was, I neglected everything else in my life just to finish.

Finally after typing until my fingers bled, I got to have mermaid time (that’s fancy talk for taking a bath),  get my toes done, have a facial to peel off all the layers of blood, sweat and exhaustion. And now, I am back to feeling alive.

But now that I’m alive again and have my first draft completed, where do I start to try and make my “vomit pass” a viable script? It’s so overwhelming that it seems insurmountable. So, now what?! Well, that’s when it’s time to call your story analyst.

Upon re-reading my script, while I got the basic structure down (thank god!), I recognize it’s not nearly good enough. There is so much that I wanted to accomplish and so much more I want still to do. It is in no way ready to be seen by an agent, a prod co, most of my friends. The only person who is going to get to see it, is my story analyst. Hey, all therapists need a therapist of their own.

So, I called my story analyst and booked a consultation. I needed someone to tell me what to keep, what to junk and what to donate. And it turned out to be great. Most of what I had I could keep. Some of it was actually funny. But a lot of it was utilitarian place-holders that needed to be replaced with sparkling dialogue and clever character quips.

My friend Janelle was on a mission from God, yesterday. She showed up, like Moses to shepherd me across the Red Sea of cookbooks that was drowning me in my living room. It was a bad scene. Janelle came in, opened my basically empty and cavernous hall closet  and said, “We can start here.”

She was right. We did the linen closet and realized I wasn’t lacking space, I was lacking organization. I needed someone to say to me “Take manageable bites.” Someone to help me sort through all my amazing things, help me take stock of what’s important and what’s donatable and what’s garbage. I basically needed a story analyst for my closet.

Thankfully, my story analyst was able to help me with my first draft. He really put things in perspective for me and is actively helping me reach my goals. It’s so important too, for you to have someone like that for your writing. You need someone you can confide in and trust, someone who is non-biased and most importantly someone to help you move forward after your first draft is complete. Because there’s always going to be revisions.

My story analyst allowed me climb out from under the massive stack of  mis-matched towels, and show me what my story really looked like. And you know what? It’s really cute in here!!

Okay, so I’m now 27 days in and I have written 91 pages. That puts me 1.1 pages over my target. I should be happy, but I’m not… this script is still not finished. Why is the end so hard to reach?

When I started this script almost a month ago, I was ready. Well, sort of. After three or four false starts, I was ready.

I had my outline, Final Draft, I had snacks… it seemed like a winning combination. I would stare for endless hours at my screen and then I would type diligently for 20 pages. I would procrastinate and then I would write 3 really tough pages for 9 hours. I never seemed to find my rhythm like in other projects.

This whole writing process, this writing to a self-imposed deadline with no promised paycheck at the end, reminds me every minute of every day of a 1-mile marathon I ran when I was a kid.

My step-mother, Eileen, and I trained for weeks to participate in Millbrook, NY’s fun summer festival activities with the hopes that I would do great. I always have loved the idea of being a runner; the light on your feet pounding, the swift feeling of power as you raced your body hard like a steam engine. I always could see the deliberate turning of the body’s gears, as I watched other runners passing me by on the NYC reservoir’s track and I longed to be poetry on my feet.

My family had a weekend house there, so we practiced running the course religiously. We also ran in the city. I never could keep up. Even as a 13-year-old, I was no runner. (Author’s note: at 13 I had a D-cup. Now that I’ve put that inappropriate image in your head, here’s a picture of your mother.)

Well, the day of the race came. I woke up, I was ready to go. I was running the course in my mind. I laced up my sneakers. I was bouncing around like Rocky. That’s what runners do, right? They warm up and stuff?

My parents took me down to the starting line a bit early. I was one of those busy-body kids. The kind of kid you tell to stay someplace, and they don’t listen. They go off in a fog, thinking their weird kid thoughts and then wind up sleuthing mysteries that no one knew existed. Well, yeah, that was me. So on that day, I wound up next to the awards table and discovered they were giving trophies for the various races. There was one for the 1st girl and 1st boy of the 1-mile race. Hmm… I liked my odds for a trophy. I looked around at the other kids who were taking their place, and so far, it was only boys and me. I also liked my odds for having a soda with a boy at the diner afterward. But that’s another story.

I silently prayed that no other girls would show, just so I could trophy, and that’s when they gathered us around. The gun was fired. We were off and running. Haha! I was the only girl in the race, and provided I didn’t die and I crossed the finish line, I would win a trophy! I was so getting that trophy, I was so getting it, if it killed me.

At first, surrounded by a bunch of very cute boys I was running and bouncing and being a pony-tail flipping moron. For about six feet I kept this up, until I couldn’t breathe. The cute boys all ran very ahead of me, very quickly, leaving me with my plodding feet, beating mercilessly down on the cruel hard pavement, my gasping breath that no amount of well-intentioned training could’ve prevented, it was just me and the road. I had to run or quit. It was up to me.

So, like a quarter mile in I’m thinking, how far is a mile? That’s like 20 NYC blocks right? I can run 20 blocks. So like that’s from my house to 73rd Street. I can totally do that. Then maybe two NYC blocks later I start complaining to myself “The reason why NYC is so much better than the stupid country is that there’s stuff to look at while you’re running the mile. God!” This carried on for maybe six more NYC blocks, until I was too tired to silently complain anymore. I was now just groaning on a loop inside my mind.

I had run this course before. I knew how much farther it was going to be, and it was indeed far. I couldn’t breathe. My legs were burning as they always did every time I tried to run. I wondered how it was that people were able to run 26 miles. I didn’t think at this point I could evade a serial killer if I had to. I would be the first person killed in a horror movie. I just knew it.

But I kept on running. So, like NYC block 17, I’m basically blind, sort of delirious, definitely deranged. I can’t breathe. I am drenched with sweat. I feel pretty low, but I’m still moving. Barely. That’s when the ambulance showed up. I wondered who they were there for. I hoped they were alright who ever they were. The paramedic, sitting  in the open back door of the ambulance spoke to me. “Are you, Xandy?”

The ambulance pulled up and around me, so that they were in front of me, pacing me while I ran. One of the paramedics sat in the back, the doors open, his legs dangling. His partner tooted the horn at me. I was startled. I shivered, I was roused, like a demon was released from my body. And there before me was the smiling paramedic. He told me all about the mayor and how he was worried that I was dead. He told me to get in the ambulance and they would drive me the rest of the way.

I had been gone so long that the mayor thought I was dead? How long had I been running this mile? Going on 3 hours. No wonder I was so tired. I was dehydrated, I was exhausted. I was basically brain dead. The paramedic tried to hand me some water, but I refused. The mayor thought I was dead?! Oh, crap! There would be no trophy for me now. All of this for nothing. I slowed to a stumble. The paramedic told me to hop in. They would take me the rest of the way.

I was done. I was done 8 NYC blocks back. I was dead on my feet. But I was no quitter. As soon as I realized the mayor thought I was dead, and sent the ambulance to resuscitate me I got a second wind.  I don’t know from where or how, but I roused and I ran. I wiped the sweat from my beet red face, I fixed my pony tail and I ran.

I refused to let the ambulance take me the rest of the way. I had come so far and only my determination would carry me across the finish line. And, something like 20 more minutes later, about another quarter of a NYC block,  I finished. The whole town was there, to cheer me across the refastened finish line.

Everyone came out to see the girl who took nearly four hours to run a mile. It was humiliating. Everyone in our town now knew us. The search for me, or really the town-wide caucus to decide if they should send the ambulance to go find me, had really brought everyone together. It would’ve been sweet if not at my expense.

I made it three inches on the other side of the finish line, and that’s where I collapsed. My parents were there. My dad had many stories about the nice people concerned about me, about all of the people who volunteered to uncover my dead body. Eileen was proud of me that I finished on my own. So was I. In fact I was so glad to no longer be moving, that I forgot that I didn’t win a trophy.

I was finally able to stand. Eileen said I could order whatever I wanted from the diner to celebrate my victory. That’s when the mayor came over. He was thrilled to discover that while I was indeed a wreck, I wasn’t dead and a girl found alive during the town festivities is a weight off of his shoulders. The race had been over for the better part of 5 hours for everyone else, even though it was only really minutes for me. But, he handed me my trophy anyway, and said that I deserved to win just for having the strength to finish. I felt renewed. I accepted it and walked with my parents to the diner and ate probably the best BLT that ever existed.

I’m sure that as soon as I type “The End” on my script, I’ll feel as accomplished as I did after finishing the 5-hour 1-mile marathon that cost the city $17,000 in man hours and service from the dedicated paramedics. How does this relate to my #Scriptfrenzy script? Well, I’m right now at NYC block 17 and I’m really looking forward to my BLT.

The last time I wrote a feature script, it was 5 years ago. I wrote an outline. I sat down and stuck to it. 10 days later I had written exactly the movie I outlined. I had produced 101 brand-spankin’-new script pages. It was cute. I was very pleased with myself.

The logline: An upscale NYC chef returns to Montana to open a restaurant, after she is publicly dumped and fired by her celebrity chef boyfriend.

It was all feelings, and quips, and beautiful food imagery. The characters were a little cloying, but on the whole it was charming. And it got good traction. Good enough traction, in fact, that along with some of my other specs, I started getting serious TV work.

Where’s the drama in this chain of events? Here’s the drame: after writing for television for 5 years, it was super difficult to around and remember how to write a feature script. Television is its own animal. Shows have to maintain consistency. They have to keep your favorite characters occupied for 22 to 44 minutes a week. And don’t forget act breaks, teaser and a tag. But just like Mr. T probably wouldn’t miss an A-Team mission to babysit, you have to make sure you stay true to the show before anything else. (p.s. this episode did not air… but it could’ve on “A-Team: Babies.”)

In TV, you basically have the creative freedom to do what ever you want, provided it fits within the pre-established confines of the show, such as characters, locations, plot points and the world in which they live. The show “mythos” is already establish. You are merely responsible for the machinations of the plot and clever character quips. That’s writing for television. It’s like an open book test.

When I was a kid, I loved to color but while my work was always beautiful and creative and interesting, it was always inside the lines. I wouldn’t cross those thick black lines with my crayons, not even at gun point. Writing for television is getting a coloring book page, and being told “You can be as creative as you like, provided you stay within the lines.”

Take a look at series bibles (here’s a pdf link to the series bible for Batman: The Animated Series) and you’ll see. The show runners have already fleshed out the world in vivid detail. They’ve given you some basic premises to give you a sense of what to pitch. And at the outset, a writer receives the character bios, the plot points they’re looking to hit,  and any other materials required to immerse yourself in a pre-established world.

Back to feature writing. So, 5 years go by and I have no movie ideas, until recently. As it’s not done yet, I still have 18 days to finish 50 pages (I’m feeling good about it) I’m not divulging any of my current Script Frenzy script secrets other than to say, it’s a comedy and well within my skill set. That being said, this has been the hardest “writing assignment” I’ve ever had!

I wrote my outline like I always had. An outline is an outline is an outline. It should always be basically the same, no matter what form or genre you’re writing. It should have broad strokes, and enough detail to keep you writing swiftly, a fully fleshed beginning, middle and end. You outline should cover basically every scene in the script, what happens, what is learned and then on to the next. So, I had one.

Then I started writing. The first 10 pages were like being constipated after eating fondue; uncomfortable! I was rigid and I wrote to the outline but it just laid there, flat and plain. There was no pizzazz, no sparkle, no Xandy. I had left myself no wiggle room to imagine, no creative freedom to try the unexplored. I knew my idea was good, in fact it’s already been pitched and there’s interest. I realized I was doing this all to myself because I was trapped in the boob tube.

This went on for a couple of days, until I found myself with my friend Merrel (he’s my story analyst) and I told him about my problem. He had read the outline already, so he was familiar with the work.

Merrel took one look at what I had written and said, “Quit writing for TV. Get out of the box of TV. You’re allowed to do whatever you want when writing movies. It’s not like you have to do what someone else wants. Do what you want.”

I’m sorry, do what I want what now? It was crazy. No one ever says “Do what you want. If people actually said that, everyone would be eating Oreos for breakfast, and there wouldn’t be a need to legalize marijuana. But in this case, he was exactly right.

Just to be really clear, it’s not like he gave me permission to go rob banks and shoot danger in my arm and completely ignore all the writing rules and regs and allow me to turn into the E.B. White of screenwriting. No. It’s more like he gave me permission to break the walls, within my established framework and construction. He helped me see that while I already had excellent, rigid structure in place, I didn’t need to keep my creativity in check while writing. That was allowed to roam free.

So, thanks largely to my story analyst, I’m now 52 pages along and the script is much funnier! Before it has the dynamism of cardboard, and now, it actually feels like a proper movie. I actively, like a new mantra, have to keep reminding myself that I don’t need to stay within someone else’s arbitrary rules.  I can color outside of the lines. I can create and invent anything. The only limit is me. And that’s a pretty awesome place to be.

While I won’t be eating oreos for breakfast, I am going to bake a lemon cake for dessert. It’s nice being able to do whatever you want!

Something happened to me this year that hasn’t happened in last five; I had a bunch of movie ideas. Up until recently, I was  so focused on television writing, working in television and working with other writers on their movies, that I hadn’t written one myself in five years. I am rusty to say the least. So, when I found myself with six viable movie ideas and a dull instrument I was nervous.

I have spent the better part of the last three months, procrastinating, but then I learned about Script Frenzy. It’s an effort to get screenwriters writing, by giving themselves 30 days to produce 100 original pages of a new movie. And that seemed like the perfect challenge to me.

I am not a joiner. I do not like doing things in packs. But there was something different about this challenge. This wasn’t like Weight Watchers, where everyone had to know all of your business in order to keep you accountable. I’m already accountable. I know when I’m behaving badly. That isn’t necessarily a deterrent. So, I needed something to give me the motivation to go for it, but not the oppressive pressure usually involved in group activities.

Enter Script Frenzy; the solution to what ailed me. It forced me to finish my outline before the April 1st, start date. It has given me a goal to strive for, and a non-self-imposed deadline, which I so terribly needed. But the first 5 days, haven’t been all moonlight and roses. There have been some hurdles.

I didn’t manage to finish my outline in time for the deadline. I know,I know!! I feel terrible about it. However, I’m glad I didn’t start before my outline was done. Because even though I waited until today, I still had some problems with the outline and it’s causing me grief. I felt alone, and like a failure, and like the worst writer in the universe! That’s a big statement, but it’s true. I felt low.

I tweeted about my feelings, and the outpouring of support I’ve received has been unbelievable. Everyone is also feeling insecure, they’re undertaking something as huge as me and they’re also scared. They’re worried about their protagonists as much as me and it was so amazing realizing that I wasn’t alone in my writer’s fear. It’s been fantastic knowing the other #scriptfrenzy participants on Twitter. They have given me the strength I needed to persevere and I managed to write 10 of the 16 pages I needed to write today to get back on track with the time line.

And, instead of hopping on my gerbil wheel and making myself crazy, I am doing as my #scriptfrenzy friends on twitter suggested. Write some extra pages per day and I’ll make up for my slow start in no time. Stay tuned for further updates, as I progress throughout the month.

Yesterday, I had the delightful pleasure of being a guest on #scriptchat’s professional reader’s panel, on Twitter, and my fingers have only just cooled down from all that speed typing!! It was amazing how many questions everyone had and how fast they all came! What an amazingly inquisitive bunch of writers!!

I found that the scriptchatters had a lot of similar questions. These were the most common. What do professional readers look for in a script? How many pages in before I know I want to pass? Why is working with a professional important? / What should I expect to get out of my coverage experience?  I figured I would take the time now, to answer those three questions again in a little more detail than the 140 characters Twitter afforded me. Here are my answers:

Q: What do I look for in a script?: This question could be both literal and metaphorical, so here’s both answers. I check to make sure that the script is properly formatted, that the font is correct, that the cover page appears professional –all sorts of critical minutia. After my “white glove” inspection, I start reading. While I am reading, I look for concise, breezily written action passages. I look for fully realized characters. I look for a complete story filled with appropriate structure and act breaks. And finally, I look for typos.

Q: How many pages in before I know I want to pass?: I know on page one, if this is going to be a script that I will be engaged by or one that is going to be an uphill battle. I’ve read enough scripts in my career to know which writers will tell a compelling story and which ones won’t. Very rarely am I surprised past page 1. But when I am that’s great! That’s why I keep reading.

Q: Why is working with a professional important? / What should I expect to get out of my coverage experience? A story analyst much like a personal trainer or a therapist, is there to tell you what to do to get you healthy, not do the work for you. Why you want a story analyst, is exactly why you want a trainer or a therapist; you have things that are bothering you and you need some help fixing them. Your reader will ideally provide you timely, unbiased notes, which are constructive, a path to resolve whatever problems are found, and an open line of communication to discuss everything. While you might get a lot of those things with a friend, a friend isn’t a pro… unless your friend is a pro and then by all means, enslave them. However, if you are not friends with a professional story analyst, it’s wise to seek out help before you start submitting. A pro will be able to spot industry standards that your friends might overlook. Also, friends and family tend to love or hate whatever you write simply because you wrote it. And while that loyalty is super adorable, a pro is going to tell you like it is, always. And isn’t that really why you’re there to being with?

Ultimately I feel like a reader / writer relationship is one based on trust. Like any therapist or trainer, a reader is privy to the writer’s deepest, most personal feelings of self-consciousness and with that comes great responsibility for your pro. You and your reader should agree to the terms prior to starting to read. You should know exactly what services you’re getting and make sure that your needs are met. If you don’t want a synopsis but they’re included, speak up. If you need your script expedited, speak up. The clearer you are with your needs, the easier it is to have them met.

Should you ever have an issue with your reader, which shouldn’t ever happen since you took such care in selecting them, you should be able to explain your point of view, and allow the reader to work with you to find some sort of solution. We’re writers too, for the most part. We understand how tough it is to get notes. It’s exhausting, but it’s a necessary part of a writer’s growth. So, figure it all out in advance, go into it with an open heart, hear what the reader has to say, and work on a plan of attack together. That’s the best way to make the most of your time with your story analyst.

One of the other panelists from #scriptchat was Merrel Davis, my story analyst. He has the tough job of keeping my writing on the straight and narrow and making sure that I don’t get testy while hearing his notes. Hey, it’s a tough gig, but someone has to do it! He and I have shared clients in the past, someone comes to me and him at the same time, gets two sets of notes, but no way to reconcile them. Merrel and I thought, like so much an infomercial, that there had to be a better way!

I’m so thrilled to announce that I will be partnering up with Merrel Davis, my good friend and colleague, to bring a REVOLUTIONARY NEW SERVICE TO YOU! We’re calling it: “DOUBLE FEATURE.”

We offer two professional story analysts working on your project, at the same time, and then collaborating together to help you get the most out of your development experience. We plan to offer this amazing service to both screenwriters and novelists of every genre. This service is the first of its kind. There are NO OTHER SERVICES QUITE LIKE IT.

Merrel and I share a passion for story development and a keen eye in which to help writers push through to reach their goals. I chose Merrel to partner with for this project, because we share the belief that it’s essential for writers to trust their story analysts, be able to get what they need in order to grow, and he has the same no-nonsense approach that I look for when I hire a reader to review my work. I felt, without question, he was the right person to bring on board.

So, Merrel welcome to CoverMyScript.com! And to all of you, please check out the #scriptchat transcript for the other panelist’s answers. And  I can’t wait to see you, at the “Double Feature.”

Hi everyone,

Just a head’s up, Thursday, March 25th, I am sponsoring Screenwriter Karaoke!!

Screenwriter Karaoke is a free monthly networking event hosted by my friend and colleague Merrel Davis at Sardo’s Bar and Grill. It’s a great chance to come out, have a few drinks, meet some fellow screenwriters and possibly win some prizes. I am donating FREE COVERAGE to one lucky participant; that’s a $175 value all for the price of a song. Other giveaway prizes include offerings from Twin J’s and Ravengloss Studios. If you’ve become a shut-in with your 80th draft, now might be the best time ever, to leave the house and croon the night away with people who get you.

Also, for all of you folks on Twitter, I will be a guest on Sunday, March 28th’s Scriptchat’.

They are having a professional reader’s panel, with several other impressive guests and have asked me to participate. If you have coverage / development / writing questions, that’s the best time to get some free answers from a panel that really knows their stuff! To join in, just log on to Twitter and do a search for #scriptchat. To learn more about Scriptchat go to Facebook, Ning, Google Wave, or Twibe. You can follow me on Twitter @covermyscript for the event, or at #scriptchat. Thanks to @jeannevb, @zacsanford, @yeah_write, and @kageynyc for having me. I’m very excited to participate in some #scriptchat #worlddomination!!

So, that’s what’s going on for the rest of the month. I look forward to meeting you all in person at Screenwriter Karaoke, and hope to see you all on the interwebs for Scriptchat! Until then, xox X

I’ve been watching The Young and the Restless since before I was born. How is that possible, you ask? My mother watched it while pregnant with me. I know that’s a cheap one, but it counts. I’ve been actively watching it since my birth. How many shows, other than the news, can you say that about?

I watched it my entire childhood. I tuned in throughout my teen years, on those rare occasions when I could convince my parents I was indeed bleeding from my eyes, so I could stay home from school.

When I went to college, I started watching every day. I hadn’t missed a single episode until this past November 2009. On November 30^th, Y&R went dark in my house for the first time in my life. It’s been hard on me. Y&R has moved on, but I have not.

I should’ve seen it coming, and even though it was my idea to end our relationship, that doesn’t mean that I’m not grieving. In fact, being apart is almost harder than it was when we were together. I find myself wondering, in the middle of the day, around 11:30am, what Y&R is doing. I wonder if my Genoa City friends are okay, left in the hands of a revolving door writing staff who don’t know the characters past a couple of seasons.

It reminds me of something that happened to me at a WGA function last week. I met a writer staffed on a reboot animation franchise (I can’t say which one, but it was a big one with a flop live action movie.) The offending thing was, while lovely and presumably talented, he didn’t know the history of the show he was working on. He wasn’t a fan. He had never seen or connected to the original incarnation. But like a competent journeyman writer, he cranked out satisfactory scripts regardless of his project knowledge; they had to be good to impress their difficult and demanding Executive Producer.

The thing is this happens. I’m no civilian. I should know better. I know that the turnover a writing staff is. To expect every new staffer to know everything about every character ever in a 35 year history, is fairly ridiculous of me. But in the same way I was so appalled by the TV writer who had never seen the show he was remaking, I was furious with the Y&R staff.

I know who Sharon Newman is, and she is not how the writers have been crafting her. She’s done a total 180 degree turn as a character, and not in a positive, growing sort of way. The writers have lost the real essence of Sharon, what really makes her a character you love, and instead, they’re presenting us a Sharon imposter… which might not have been a bad plotline, but turns out to be the death knell for me as a viewer.

Then about 5 years ago, the show took a strange turn. Concerned that the audience was getting bored with the tried and true Y&R, they decided to make it glamorous, more daring, more like a nighttime soap. That’s the beginning of the end for me.

Y&R has been suffering a snowball effect of bad writing since then. The nighttime soap idea was a disaster. Y&R had their lowest ratings ever. Then there was the writer’s strike. More viewers lost. Then there was the interim staff who just kept things humming, but Y&R was clearly out of tune.

Then, two years ago, like a shining beacon of hope, a Bell was back in charge of Y&R. Maria Arena Bell, the series creators’ granddaughter, was now helming and she was going to reestablish the show and restore it to her grandparents’ legacy. At least that was the hope. CBS was behind her and seeing the Bell name at the top of the show, post credit sequence, was oddly comforting. While we had a bad, mean babysitter looking after us for a while, it almost felt like Mommy had come home from dinner.

And then, things went weird in the writers’ room. The 35 year history of Genoa City was rewritten, character backstory was thrown to the wind. It was like they were bizzaro world clones of their former selves. They did the old plot standards: a murder, a court case, mistaken identity, baby switching, but all the plotlines were ruthlessly dark, bizarre, and seemingly angry without any payoff. There was no pleasure in watching these characters.

My eyes and brain were tired of being assaulted. I have loved these people, the citizens of Genoa City, my entire life. I remember a lot of what’s happened to them over the years. But at some point, when the writing is so bad, when the characters no longer make sense, when everything they do is so improbable that you’re embarrassed for the people who make the thing you love, you have to tap out. And that’s what I did.

On November 30^th, I finally had enough. Wednesdays are usually boring on a soap. Something minor happens, to move towards the exciting Friday cliff hanger, but nothing too noteworthy occurs. On this Wednesday, an art theft case was wrapping up; another murder no one cared about was solved. Amber, a blonde bimbo with a sweet side and a penchant for trouble, was finally united with Daniel, her true love (for that hour anyway), but then she was forced to marry this other guy to save him. Would she, wouldn’t she? It had taken maybe 6 months for me to finally say, no more. Daniel, Amber, I just don’t care anymore.

But like a partner, with whom you shared a deep and profound long-lasting love, you miss the nearness of them, the comfort they provide, even if the relationship is abusive.

I will forever miss The Young and the Restless. But, I’ve moved on to new lovers. I’m seeing some really nice celebrity chefs right now, and I’m hanging out a lot over at with “Horrible People.” I’m pretty sure I’m going to be okay.

I just have one thing left to say.

Young and the Restless: You were my first, and as that, you’ll always have a place in my heart, even if we can’t be together. But just know, Y&R, and all the good people of Genoa City, I miss you now and I’ll miss you forever.

When I was 8, my step-mother, concerned that the 10 hours a day of television I was consuming was probably too many, made a declaration: only 8 hours a day. That meant that I had to choose what to watch, not just watch everything that was on! Well, Godbless her for trying, but it didn’t work. I grew up to be a TV writing TV junkie.

Yes folks, I write television and I watch television and that’s how it should be. Writers should know what is out there, what works, what shows are thriving and why. Also, I haven’t ever had a pitch meeting that didn’t start with “What are you watching, Xandy?” I’m never at a loss for an answer and it always works as an easy ice breaker. When you watch or know something about everything on TV, chances are, you’re watching one show the development exec is watching.

I didn’t watch TV as much as I consumed it, like every book I read (1000’s), and from every episode of Love Boat I watched, I learned a little something about story structure and character development. It’s surprising but true. Think of it as an apprenticeship; TV taught me to write. But, TV was totally in charge; telling me what to watch and when to watch it. Then I discovered that my beloved Tivo was in cahoots with TV; pushing me around telling me stuff was being deleted and that I had to hurry up and watch. I had become a slave to my truest love, and I was growing to resent it.

I, the ambassador to TV Junkie Town, decided I was fed up with how television was treating me…  So I started an experiment; can a TV Junkie not actually watch a television and still view all of their favorite and new shows on the internet? And to begin this 2 month journey I took an unthinkable step. I canceled cable.

How is life without TV during Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years? Strangely adequate. Granted, I didn’t get my local programming, or Thanksgiving Day parade, but it turns out, the internet rocks! Who knew?! Everything I ever wanted to see and more from official youtube channels to network websites, is up, available and ready for my compulsive viewing pleasure.

How does this saucy writer fill her internet TV Days? Here’s what I’m watching:

Peep Show

No, it’s not dirty, it’s the best British comedy you’re likely not watching. It’s an “Odd Couple” show with quirky POV camera work and Voice Over. Mark and Jeremy are best mates from college who are still sharing a London flat well into their 30’s and while Mark is stiff, uptight and generally a rule follower, Jeremy is the total opposite: a rock god in his own mind. This comedy is dark, hilarious and altogether the best show you’re probably not watching. Peep Show “I fucking love you!”

Hell’s Kitchen

I love Hell’s Kitchen. Gordo is so totally my boyfriend. He’s only got about 60 shows currently on all over the world so, so between Fox and BBC, they’ve got me covered on all the streaming screaming from his hot kitchens and it’s so wonderful. I have also been able to catch some Kitchen Nightmares, The F Word and some hour-long Cookalong Live deal. Oh Gordo, I just can’t get enough of your furrowed brow, and thanks to the internet, I can order you up for delivery. Ahh,  instant gratification tastes so good.

South Park

Okay, I have a lot of boyfriends. I love Trey Parker too. I told you I’m a junkie; I get around. Truthfully, South Park is simply just excellent TV. Trey Parker knocks out those scripts in a week, then they have like three minutes before it has to air to animate it. I am impressed with what they have accomplished and I revere him as a screenwriter. His episodes are not only topical and timely but also brilliantly well written. At South Park Studios, you can watch all of the new episodes as well as any from the prior 14 seasons. There’s nothing better than going down to South Park, to have myself a time. And now I can do it from anywhere. It’s awesome.

Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace

The series’ fictional premise: in the 1980s, best-selling horror author Garth Marenghi and his publisher/publicist, Dean Learner, made their own low-budget television series. It was bad, really bad. If you like incredibly quirky and meta shows, check it, Dark Place “from your bean bag chair, if that’s how you choose to live your life,” and watch “the greatest televisual event since Quantum Leap” and I don’t say that lightly.

The Tonight Show

I mentioned that it’s hard sometimes with current events to watch as things are airing live, and that’s true but I managed to see Conan’s last show before it aired in LA. The second the east coast airing was done, Gawker.tv had it up and ready for streaming. The quality was excellent and it was segmented so I could jump around. It wasn’t live, but even if I still had TV, I probably would’ve watched it when I got up or a day later anyway, so this totally worked out. Now the full last episode is up on Hulu.com, where you can watch it in its entirety.

In terms of animation, I’m watching all the same stuff I was watching before, Family Guy, The Simpsons, The Cleveland Show, American Dad except I’m now watching them all on Hulu.com. There’s a couple of commercials but nothing egregious, the video quality is excellent and they have the current 5 episodes up there at all times. Some older shows have more. It’s not the greatest, if I want to see something old, but between Hulu.com and AdultSwim.com, they got me covered.

Adult Swim also has their entire Sunday Night Stoner Lineup online for viewing. Metalocolypse, The Venture Brothers, Robot Chicken. They’re all on there, as well as King of the Hill if you’re looking for gentle bedtime programming.

For a blast from the past, I decided to watch all of the Night Gallery episodes. There’s four seasons up on Hulu, but they’re mostly terrible. Rod Serling is my hero and my God and I have to support his work, even if most of it is dreadful. But it’s campy and sometimes cool, so check them out. I also watched all of The Twilight Zone episodes available, but they’re limited on CBS.com. I’ve seen them all 1000 times, but I still love to hear Burgess Meredith scream “But there was time now!”

Just so I don’t loose touch with my reality TV series, I watch The Soup. Joel McHale gives me the best 22 minutes of gut-busting laughter ever. The only bad part of the show is when it’s over. The player is a little buggy, but the show is so funny, it’s totally worth any hassle.

So, here I am, three months with no cable and I have to say, I don’t miss it. I feel satisfied that I’m watching everything I want to be watching and anything I forget about, I’m probably not missing anyway.

Sometimes it’s boring watching movie after movie, and being online doesn’t give off the same energy as watching TV. TV has a repetitive rhythm that I have come to find soothing after all these years, but with all of my favorite series up online, plus a dirth of other video entertainment consumables, there’s enough going on to keep my eyeballs busy until eternity.

Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free? So long, cable!